Things I've Learned
by Molebeam
Summary: Re-uploaded. In which Alucard takes a moment to reflect on raising his young daughter.  Same idea, different format.
1. Chapter 1

**I had this up before, but I had to remove it, because it was a list, and apparently that's not allowed, and once people find that out, they'll rip you a new asshole until you do something about it. So I recieved a suggestion that I turn the things on the list into one-shot thingies, and then it would be fine. **

**What the hell, I gave it a shot. Feedback of any sort would be much, much appredciated. So here goes nothing:**

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><p><strong>Teething. Enough Said.<strong>

A teething baby vampire was possibly the hardest challenge Alucard had ever faced in his life. And once you've lived for several centuries, that's saying something.

At just over a year old, Charolette could do 4 things very well: walk, babble, scream, and chew the living hell out every-and-anything she could fit into her mouth. In the past week alone, she'd managed to chew up 3 pairs of Alucard's expensive boots, put gruesome bite marks into the corners of his coffin, and even gnawed off one of the legs of her crib. Not to mention she'd bitten off 6 of his fingers already (thank God for immortality and instant regeneration).

And where was her mother during all this, you ask? Giggling and cooing at her daughter as if it was the cutest thing she'd ever seen.

"She's just a baby, Alucard, this is perfectly normal. She doesn't know what she's doing."

Oh, she _knew_ what she was doing, all right. He was positive he'd seen her give him a cheeky smirk on more than one occasion after destroying something else of value.

At the moment, Alucard was taking long, brisk strides down one of the Hellsing Mansion's corridors. He'd left his daughter in Walter's care while he took care of an errand Integra had sent him on; now he just hoped that Walter was still _alive._

He found the elderly butler in the third floor nursery, standing over the changing table with a scowl while he bandaged one of his hands. Charolette snored softly in her 3-legged crib with the 4th leg hastily duct-taped back on (They were still trying to track down a heavy-duty Pack N' Play).

"Walter. I need you to go pick up something for me. I'll take care of the mons- er, Charolette, in the meantime,"

Walter turned with an incredulous expression and held up his injured hand. "Alucard, I'm somewhat _busy_ at the moment, can't this wait-"

"I don't _care_if you're busy dressing your puncture wounds, Walter, go and buy a damn anchor chain before she chews through another pair of my good boots!"

"A-an anchor chain?"

"Yes, and make sure it's industrial strength. This way we can tie her up somewhere and she can amuse herself without escaping and causing anymore trouble,"

"I don't quite think that's humane, Alucard..."

The vampire ignored him and picked up his child from her crib instead. "I'll give you one hour. And if I don't see a heavy-duty anchor chain in this mansion by then, so help me, I will lock you in a closet with this girl, turn off the lights, and leave you to fend for yourself. Do we understand each other?"

"Er, yes."

"Excellent," he nodded, striding to the door with Charolette lying comfortably on his shoulder. "One hour, one anchor chain, one horrible consequence. I'll see you shortly, Walter." His undamaged boots echoed down the hall as he stalked off.

Now alone, his old friend sighed. "You know, I wonder what your wife would think about all this, Alucard..."

...He decided it would be best not to let her know.


	2. Chapter 2

**You Should Be Gentle and Cautious When Introducing a New Female Vampire into the Household**

Nine-year-old Charolette Hellsing had a love-hate relationship with surprises. She loved them because surprises meant presents, and presents meant new things to play with. And she hated them because people tended to tell you about them well in advance, so you spent that time driving yourself crazy in trying to think of what the surprise could be.

Alright, so there was more hate than love when it came to surprises.

Late last evening, her father Alucard visited her room with a sly grin on his face and news to share. There was a "surprise" in the dungeons, he'd said, but she'd have to wait 'til tomorrow to find out what it was. And with that, she had chased him out of her room, slammed the door, and gone to bed angry.

Now, on the following night, with the young Draculina immersed in a volume of _Harry __Potter_, a quiet knocking on the door drew her attention. Walter stepped in and informed her that she had been summoned to the dungeons by her father.

With an acknowledging nod to the kind butler, she slipped a red velvet bookmark into the novel, hopped off her bed, and made her way down to the basement, where her father took up residence.

At the top of the stone stairway, she paused for a moment and looked down. The cool, damp air that wafted up felt clammy against her skin, and it carried a strange, foreign smell. A bad smell. An oddly familiar smell. A smell that made the hair on her arms bristle and her blood boil.

The smell of another female vampire.

She then descended the steps with purpose, allowing her nocturnal eyes to adjust to the dark before continuing on towards the faint light from a room near the end of the corridor. When she was but several meters from the doorway, Alucard spoke to her through telepathy.

_Stay where you are for now, Charolette. I'll call you when you're needed._

_Yessir, _she answered back. Her nose wrinkled from the strange vampire's scent and at her side, small hands clenched into tight fists.

She, Charolette E. Hellsing, was supposed to be the _only_ vampiress who had the right to set foot on this property. Who in the bloody _hell_ was _she_ to barge in here like she owned the place? No one, that's who. She was nobody.

_At __least, __she __will __be __shortly..._she thought evilly, her lips curling in a sadistic grin.

"Charolette, please come in." Alucard called to her from beyond the open door.

"_I__'__ll _show her what a _real_ damn vampire is..." she muttered to herself as she began to take slow, patient steps forward. The sounds of her shiny, black oxfords echoed ominously against the cold stone walls.

_Ready or not, here I- come?_

Was this supposed to be a joke?

Inside the room, sitting up in a small, plain bed, was the scrawniest, weakest, most terrified-looking vampire Charolette had ever seen in her life. Hell, she looked more like a worthless human!

Beside her, Alucard cleared his throat. "Police girl, this is Charolette," he gestured with a gloved hand. "Charolette, this is Seras. She's Hellsing's newest vampire, so please play nice. And you're _not_ allowed to kill this one. Understood?"

"But, Daddy, she's...she's nothing but a..."

She wanted to say _a __big-titted __police __girl_, but bit her tongue and glared instead.

"No buts, Charolette. Besides, you needed a new playmate; one that you can't eat. Or kill. Especially kill. I think you two will get along _just_ fine."

Damn it. Now she had to share her title, her Mansion, _and _her father with this stupid big-titted police girl.

Oh, how Charolette hated surprises.


	3. Chapter 3

**There's Never Really a Convenient Time for Night(Morning?)mares.**

One of the most important things a parent should be prepared for is dealing with bad dreams. A good parent needs to know how to approach and handle such situations with delicacy, understanding, and comfort.

Even when such instances happen at 3 in the afternoon.

Alucard awoke to a light rapping on the hood of his coffin. His internal clock informed him that it was the middle of the day, midnight for creatures of the dark. He yawned and slid the top off his tomb, sat up, scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly, and was met with the frightened face of his young daughter.

Her white nightgown was rumpled and wrinkled, her large, inky black curls stuck out at odd angles from her head, and her dingy stuffed animal, a black dog by the name of Grimm, was clutched firmly in her hand. She rubbed one of her eyes before speaking.

"Daddy, I had the bad dream again."

Recalling the reoccurring nightmare she seemed to have so often, he replied, "The one about the Vatican and the car chase?"

She nodded groggily. "Uh-huh..." She pulled Grimm up to her chest and rested her chin upon his dark head.

Alucard sighed and rose, stretching a bit. He stepped out of his coffin and placed a hand comfortingly on his young child's head. "Alright, you can sleep in my coffin for tonight. But just this once."

Charolette smiled, gave him a grateful hug, and hopped inside the spacious black box. Alucard reached over and helped her pull the lid back on. Just before it slid closed, she said, "Good night, Daddy."

He gave her a warm grin and bent to kiss her forehead. "Good night, love."

The coffin shut and the Draculina within arranged herself comfortably, her arms wrapped safely around the neck of her stuffed canine.

Outside, Alucard sighed and settled himself in his high-backed chair. His head fell back against the plush red velvet and he closed his eyes.

He'd told her she could sleep there 'just this once'...yet this would be the eighth time this month.


	4. Chapter 4

**Too Much Fresh Air Can Be A Bad Thing**

Charolette never ceased to amaze her parents and the entire Hellsing Organization. From a young age, it was well-acknowledged by those who knew her that she was extremely gifted. It seemed that there was nothing that little girl could not do.

Her father, however, thought she was "gifted" in other ways.

The young child was fond of spending time outside. She didn't mind playing during the late afternoon, when the sun was beginning to set behind the ever-present grey overcast that was characteristic to England. Sometimes, she would even go as far as to sneak out of her room in the middle of the day frolic through the manor's large estate uninhibited (the trait she'd inherited from her father allowed her to play in the sun without consequence).

And it was during days such as these that Alucard fretted the most.

In early autumn of her second year, shortly before she turned three, Charolette had taken it upon herself to play in the gardens at 2:30 in the afternoon. She, perhaps, would have gone unnoticed and unpunished...if she hadn't gotten herself stuck up in a young hickory tree while chasing squirrels.

Her sad, scared yowling had caught the attention of a passing Hellsing soldier first, who then promptly alerted Integra, who called upon her sleeping father for help.

"Your daughter, Alucard, has managed to get into a tree, and now she can't come back down," Integra informed him after he'd reluctantly risen from his tomb. She seemed greatly amused. "Go after her.'

"Alright, alright," he yawned back before turning on his heel and sauntering out in search of his butler friend. He found him on the first floor, straightening a vase full of white flowers of some sort.

"Walter, I'm going to need your help. She's stuck up in that hickory tree. Again."

"Oh, dear. That daughter of yours, Alucard, she has got quite the knack for mischief," Walter said, with a disapproving shake of his head. He set down the vase on the table nearby, then set off with his vampire companion to rescue a princess of a different sort.

And yes, it was the second time she'd trapped herself in that tree.

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><p>As time went on, weeks turned into months, and fall turned into winter, and then to spring, at last.<p>

Charolette seemed to have grown like a weed over the brief winter months. Just a couple months shy of three, she could read, write, and speak with juvenile eloquence. She'd also become a three foot tall sadistic killing machine.

The snow began its melt in late February. With a new pair of pink rubber boots and an expensive red cashmere scarf, Charolette took to the outside each day like a bat out of Hell. Her routine typically started with the tradition of puddle-jumping, then from there progressed to packing the remaining snow into drippy balls of cold slush and tossing them into the duck pond.

But by far her favorite (and most gruesome) pastime was chasing after the squirrels that scurried about. At first, it had been entertaining and endearing to everyone on the grounds, but when she'd figured out a way to brutalize the poor little rodents...her mother and father were the only ones who continued to think it precious.

To Alucard, one of his favorite memories was the day she'd trotted up to the back door of the Mansion, clutching the tail of a very dead squirrel in one of her hands.

"Daddy, daddy, _look!_ " she squealed in delight, her pallid cheeks rosy from the cold and excitement.

"That's my girl!" he laughed loudly as he patted his girl on the head. He briefly looked over his shoulder back into the house to call on his wife. "Eliria! Eliria, come see what Charolette's done!"

Her mother slowly came to the door and stuck out her head. Her face, made pale and hollow by sickness, lit up as she glimpsed her daughter and the prize she held in her hand.

"Well, well, would you look at that? My little baby's caught herself a squirrel," She stepped outside onto the walk way, her cardigan wrapped tightly around her thin shoulders. "Come here, let me see."

Charolette skipped over and held out the dead animal for her mother. "Look, I did it all by myself!"

"Mummy's very proud of you, sweetheart," she cooed, kissing her on her cheeks. "Now then, leave your little toy outside and come back in for a bit. Walter's made a fresh pie."

With the squirrel tossed into the bushes and forgotten, Charolette grabbed her mother's hand and began to babble about her time spent outdoors, while Alucard put a comforting hand over his loving wife's shoulders, and the family returned inside, cold and proud.

Meanwhile, from her office upstairs, Integra gagged. She'd just seen a three-year-old toddler murder a squirrel...and her parents praised her for it.

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><p><strong>...ew. XD<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Why?**

Alucard liked to consider himself a very patient man. A man who, as opposed to jumping in headfirst without thought, used rationality and cold calculation when faced with a problem at hand.

And, as he discovered, patience is a God-given gift when raising a child.

Charolette had finally reached the stage in childhood where everything anyone said needed to be questioned and she was just the one to do it. And to the aggravation of everyone at the Hellsing Mansion, the young child's favorite phrase as of late was "why?".

~xXx~

Another day, another broken piece of pottery. This was usually the way Alucard's evenings started now. The mansion became Charolette's domain as soon as the sun went down and she awoke for the night. Her mother Eliria often described it as, "Charolette's escaped and she's terrorizing the village."

_Well put, Eliria, well put._

This time, the little demon, er, vampire had shattered a plain white vase in one of the lesser-navigated hallways. Alucard hoped it meant Integra wouldn't grill him about it later. By the time he reached his young offspring, she had busied herself in playing with the jagged shards of porcelain, scraping them across the floor and constructing makeshift puzzles that didn't fit together.

"Charolette! Put that down right now."

Unfazed, she looked over her shoulder with a look of cool innocence. "Why?"

Alucard felt his eye twitch. "Because, I said so."

"Why?"

"I'm the parent, that's why. And you'll do as I say. Now put down the pointy things and go back to your room."

"Nuh-uh." She absently pushed around a chunk of white ceramic with her little black penny loafer.

"_Yes._ Go."

"Daddy, why?"

He took a deep breath and commanded himself not to fly off the handle. "Charolette. I'll ask you one more time. Would you _please_ just go back to your room for _5 minutes_ so I can at least clean up this mess before Integra gets angry?"

She mulled it over sullenly. "Okay."

Her father let out a loud sigh of relief. "Thank you, princess. Also, if you see Walter on your way back, kindly tell him to come here with a broom." _Oh, dammit! _ He flinched and pressed his lips together tightly. _Please don't catch that, please don't-_

"Why?"

…_For the love of God._

Would it ever be possible for him to win? Just one time?


	6. Chapter 6

**Family**

Time is a funny thing; the way it progresses and changes things. It seems to happen so slow, yet it passes by unbearably fast if you don't pay attention.

Six years have passed since the birth of Alucard's daughter. Time, having worked its mysterious magic, has transformed her into a raven-haired beauty with the pallid skin of a porcelain doll and expressive eyes the color of bloodstained rubies. Her sharp tongue and regal brand of bossiness has earned her the endearment of all at Hellsing. She's learned to hold a gun, and picking up on her father's lethality, she can shoot it with worrying accuracy.

Though, time has not only altered the face of the young vampiress. In turn, it had taken away Countess Eliria Lavinia Drasten; mother of Charolette, wife of Alucard. She was buried in the summer of Charolette's third year, in the Hellsing family cemetery.

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><p>Charolette Hellsing received a red-leather diary for her sixth birthday in March. On its cover, her name was inscribed in intricate gold lettering, as well as the day's date.<p>

Because she was so enthralled with the gift, she spent an hour each day writing in it, carving careful cursive letters onto the white pages with a black fountain pen. There was hardly anything she left out, insuring that every moment of her life could be recalled in the future.

On one day, she decided to waste her time idly wandering about the mansion's extensive library. A rather thick volume bound in mahogany velvet was at rest on a table, and out of curiosity, she opened it up to the first page…

And smiled.

The book was filled with pictures of her mother and father over the years. The first pictures were in black and white and terribly grainy; and judging by the outfits her parents wore, it was taken some centuries back. One of the photos caught her attention, and the more she looked at it,a greater number of tears welled up in her eyes. Her beloved parents were standing side by side, their hands held, and smiling warmly. On the bottom, written onto the picture in a flourish, are the words "wedding" and the date 1832. She'd never seen their wedding portrait before.

She grew increasingly tearful and happy with every turn of the page. Near the middle, a young Integra was introduced, and shortly after that appeared a beautiful baby girl with deep red eyes and a patch of dark hair. The pictures continued to change, and the baby grew into a bright-faced toddler. In many of the pictures, the little Charolette is held in her parents' arms and laughing as if nothing was wrong in her world. Tears dripped onto the surface of the table, and Charolette stood back, closed the book, and wiped her face with the handkerchief in her pocket.

Memories of her mother swam about her head as she made her way back to her bedroom for the morning.

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><p><em>Today, I learned something very important. The thing I love most about being a vampire is that I will never, ever have to go to my Daddy's funeral, and he'll never have to go to mine. So even if I can't go to school with normal children, or never know what it's like to get old or die, at least I'll always have the most important person in my life with me, forever. <em>

_ I love you, Daddy. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful life._

Charolette set down the pen with a grin and closed the journal softly. Extinguishing the lights, she crawled into bed and settled warmly, with her stuffed Grimm in her arms. This evening, she would ask her father to go visit Eliria's grave.

~END.

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><p><strong>And there you have it. I'm not satisfied with this ending at all; it didn't come out the way I had hoped. Nonetheless, I hope you've enjoyed it, and thanks for reviewing, subscribing, and the like. :)<strong>


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